No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
