a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
