So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Someone signed my nipple.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
