Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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