If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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