His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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