cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you had me at cake vodka
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
