the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
