Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
