He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
