Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
