I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
40s are totally the cure
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
