God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
