all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
