I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
