honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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