Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
