Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
where am i from again
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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