Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
