New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
