why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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