Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
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Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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