I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
