Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
