So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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