Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
