I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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