and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
