He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
