i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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