I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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