PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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