i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is wine microwaveable?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
