Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
