last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
