So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
