I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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