The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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