I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
