I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
