youre lurking in front of me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
