i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
