At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
