Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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