I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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