don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
