just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
