he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
