i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
