She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
