Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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