he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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