we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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