I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it hurts more in the daytime
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
