hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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