Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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