4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
