would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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