Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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