Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
