That's intense
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
