umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
