unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
