And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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