I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
