I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
