somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
