But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
