im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
