New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
