Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
