a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
