she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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