Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
