make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
